We’ve all heard the saying about death and taxes being the only thing certain in life. Well, that’s not true. There’s one other thing that’s certain: crises. The crises will come. They will come unexpectedly, sometimes expectedly, and many times in bunches. We hear in Florida learned that first-handed last year when Charley, Frances, Ivan and Jeanne came to pay a visit.

Crises include a whole range of things in our personal and professional lives, the unexpected loss of a job due to corporate downsizing, an ugly divorce, a loss of a loved one, unanticipated family problems, waiting for another hurricane to come our way – all crises that each of us faces. While you cannot always control the things that happen to you, you can control the way you respond to them. That’s what I would like to write about this week – how you deal with the unpredictable crises that afflict all of us from time-to-time.

Crises are frequently watersheds, or turning points in people’s lives. A point at which your life can set off in a new direction. When we investigate the watersheds in our lives, you will generally find that individuals have different reactions – human nature, right? Nevertheless, that reaction can be a healthy reaction.

Some people somehow cope with crisis and then get on with their lives, sort of “get it and get on” mentality. For them, a crisis is a temporary interruption. It is a setback, but not a permanent retreat from growth. They lose a job – find another. Their marriage breaks up, and they eventually remarry. Family problems – solve them as best they can. Hurricanes coming our way or not coming our way, we can’t control it, maybe a substantial change in our lives – maybe some inconvenience for a time, I think you get the idea I’m trying to bring to you.

Obviously, coping is better than defeat. But, it’s not good enough. You can do more than that. You can do what so many people do – you can master the crises in your life, so that they become a launch pad for growth. You can use your adversity and your challenges to further your growth. Unexpected crises are sometimes viewed as our enemies. Unexpected crises are not enemies to our development. Rather, all of life is an opportunity.

Some people veer off their path of growth and settle into a dismal rut of mediocrity or even bitterness – why me lord? They suffer permanent scars from their adversity.

For such people, it is not true that “Time heals all wounds.” In fact, none of us can count on time alone doing the job of resolving our crises. Researchers have found that 20-40 percent of people do not fully recover from a crisis despite the promise of healing time. Again, I repeat coping is better than defeat.

Before I discuss with you some of the positive watershed in life principles, I want you to keep one thing in mind. When I say that all of life is an opportunity, I do not want to imply that there will be no pain during these crises – there will be. The following principles will not help you avoid pain, but can help you deal with them in a more positive manner. The point I’m trying to make is that crises do cause anxiety, anger, grief, and depression, you will have pain, but you do not need to allow the pain to be disabling to you or to cut a chunk of lost time out of your life. Instead, make it a prelude to a new dimension of life.

Now here are a few principles, read them carefully.

1. Take responsibility for yourself. Loss of job, illness or the death of someone near you is among the common painful experiences in life. It is true that we are sometimes victimized by circumstances or by other people, but there’s a difference between being victimized and playing the victim. Playing the victim means trudging on with your life while blaming something or someone else for your lack of energy, success, or happiness. But you don’t have to play the victim game, no matter how badly you are mistreated. Ultimately, you’ll have to take responsibility for your own life – better sooner than later. By taking responsibility for your own life and well-being you can create a new life for yourself.

2. Declare your own self-worth. A crisis assaults our self-esteem. It makes us feel less powerful, less competent, and even less worthy. And that makes it more difficult to deal with the crisis in a healthy and useful way. Let’s say you have been in good health most of your life – a disabling illness, even one that is only temporary, is likely to make you feel more vulnerable, less in control of your life, and more aware of your own limitations. You are suddenly finding your self-image changing from one who can do - to one who is limited by forces beyond your control. At such times, it is important to recognize that you are a victim of a common human experience and to re-declare your worth as an individual, believing in yourself and have a sense of your self-worth in order to maximize the benefits of any situation. Affirming our own self worth means that you are concerned with yourself and your well-being. In other words, you can spend too much time and energy absorbed in your own problems. You need a healthy balance between self-concern and other-concern.

3. The art of reframing. The art of reframing, redefining something so that it’s no longer as problematic as it was. It isn’t the situation that’s changed, of course; it’s your perspective of the situation. You can learn to look at something you had defined as troublesome and redefine it as adaptive and useful. The process is valuable for overcoming a variety of problems. Keep in mind that reframing is not meant to be an exercise in self-deception. It is not a denial of your feelings. It’s recognition of the fact that you can look at any situation in various ways. You can curse your temporary illness, or you can look at it as a transitional period that you can use to your own benefit. You can see the crisis as an intruder – or you can define it as an obstacle that will lead to your growth and happiness as you overcome it. The important point to remember is that the way you define it will make a significant difference in the outcome.

4. Stick with it – within reason. Notice I said within reason, sticking with something or someone cannot always be healthy. Some people remain in jobs they hate, or abusive marriages for many, many years, and allow all the vitality to be robbed from their lives. There are people who refuse to take the risk of a new location, choosing instead to stick with a known and safer situation. The key is whether any progress is being made. It’s a necessary ingredient in the transforming of mediocrity into excellence.

In essence, control is a sense of having some power or influence over the situation and experience you face. It means that you do not feel helpless in the face of external forces. Rather, you recognize that you always have some options and choices, some influence over the outcome. Any change brought on by a crisis should be viewed as the essence of life and that, therefore, you can look at change with anticipation rather than as a threat, as an opportunity to grow rather than as a loss.

Joe Hodowanes, a career strategy adviser in Tampa, Florida, offers a free resume and career analysis. Fax your resume to (813) 936-0201 or email it to jmwanes@jmwanes.com For questions, call Joe at (813) 936-0091 or visit www.jmwanes.com on the Web. All Job Search Advisor articles on this website are the property of www.jmwanes.com (J.M. Wanes & Associates). You may download
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